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Breaking the Habit of Validation



We all have different ways we go about making ourselves feel better when we are feeling downcast. Most of the time, we resort to our friends. As for me, the techniques I have depended on include;

-         - Reading chats from people.
-          -Reading books.
-          -Listening to music
-          -Doing more work, just something to get my attention out of it
-          -And for sure, I’ve also depended on people to lift me up and out of that mood so you’re not alone on this journey.

Anyway, all this methods are great ways of coming off a downcast spirit but they are also all external support and form just a part of the self-validation equation. On the other hand, we also need to get internal support by allowing yourself be your support system.
I was able to come up with some things I could do to help myself in those moments to create a healthy balance and support myself.
So if you’re also looking to be able to create such stability in your life, the following ideas can be of help;

Be aware and appreciate yourself
Be aware of yourself and what’s going on for you. Focus on the positives and be honest with yourself about your shortcomings as well. Be grateful to yourself for all you are able to do daily. Note all the things you did well, the choices you made that turned out great, the things you were able to achieve, people you were able to talk to and ease their stress, advices you gave to someone, help you rendered one way or the other and so on.
After you’ve become aware, celebrate yourself when you achieve something. It helps you gain self-esteem and belief in your capabilities. You can do what makes you happy, a little gift or a sit out with a friend, whatever it is no victory is too small to be celebrated.
Doing this regularly makes it a habit and creates in you a validation of yourself which you can depend on when you need it.

Ask yourself, “What am I hoping to be told?”
Most times when we tell people our aches in life, we’re just desiring to hear ‘it’s not your fault’ or ‘you didn’t do it on purpose so don’t feel bad about’ or just something that takes us out of the blame lane.
We just want someone else to confirm the best in us and believe in us. Give yourself the opportunity to know and reaffirm this to yourself.
Speak to yourself the things that you hear others say that make you feel better. Believe in yourself and tell yourself that you’re the best version of you. Doing this regularly makes it easier for you to believe it all the more when someone else says it and before you know it, it becomes an unconscious response.
The goal is not for you to not relate with other people but for you to offer some kind of self-support before involving the external one.

Be true to yourself and your emotions
Sometimes when we feel bad, we try to cover it up by doing certain things that could make us forget what we feel. This is not good and it doesn’t help us sort our problems in the right way.
Allow your emotions to run its course and come to an end. Most times, they don’t last for long before they’re over and done with.
Read what inspires you
It can be a quote from the net, a book or article, read what inspires you. You never know, you might just come across a quote that addresses your particular situation for example, the bible is also a source of inspiration. This is a way of getting validated with the help of someone else, igniting your spark through the help of another person.
Be around people who inspire you
While you read something inspirational, it is also very important to surround yourself with people who inspire you. This makes it easier for you to get inspired. This set of people have your good at heart and will encourage you to validate yourself because they’re validating themselves. They keep you living out healthy habits encouraging to care for yourself.
Care for yourself
Taking care of your self is also a form of internal validation because it means that at this point, you see yourself as a person to be taken care of. It’s also confirming that you love yourself. Caring for yourself involves doing what makes you happy, preparing your favourite meal, taking strolls or walks round your block, listening to a music by your favourite artist, watching a movie you love.
Learn to accept. 
At times things don’t turn out the way we want them to irrespective of the efforts we put into it. In the events of this, acceptance is a way of telling yourself “okay, your feelings are valid, and we’re going to have to take this for what it is.” When you make efforts to achieve things and they turn out differently from what you expected, you have to remind yourself you made an effort. That is why it’s good to always attempt your best at things. Acceptance isn’t about giving up, rather it’s about surrendering to what you can’t control and not letting them control you.
More so remember this prayer “God give me the strength to change what I can change, the courage to live with what I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference between the two”.
God is always here to help!

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