I read an article that pointed out that relationships can be characterized by compassion, understanding, parties involved can be engaging, love, mutual fondness but still not thrive. I've just been wondering what could be missing amidst all tho characteristics that still break relationships up. A lot of effort has been made and is still being made daily by people in relationships to ensure theirs grow and survive the test of time.
Thousands of books, articles, and blogs have been written from different dimensions with different ideas, all in the bid to share experiences and make suggestions on what can make a relationship thrive. Regardless of all this, there are still breakups among friends, married couples, and those in dating relationships. Now I'm wondering whether we make as much effort applying what we read as we make gaining knowledge on making our relationships thrive.
From my experience and after giving it a lot of thoughts, I'm certain that among all that may be the problem is a very simple word known as INTEGRITY.
Integrity simply put means doing what you say and taking responsibility for failing to do what you say. Integrity in a relationship means doing the right things at all times. Integrity is bedrock to having a thriving relationship and the absence of it is why most friendships suffer. Friendships crumble because of our inability to do what we say.
We make commitments to ourselves and others but we also break them and give a thousand and one reasons why we broke them just to avoid taking responsibility. We make promises of how we will as little as meet up with people, love, be patient, kind, understand, give or help out with something and we bail on them. We say we'll commit to being faithful, honest, loyal, vow to be there for others, put their needs ahead of ours and just love each other but it's still broken.
For sure these promises may not be broken intentionally. It can be broken as a result of pride, selfishness, unforgiveness, or anger. The truth is that at one point or another, we have intentionally/unintentionally broken a promise we made. However, our ability to rise from our mistakes and not make excuses for why we broke integrity is what makes the difference in relationships.
In my opinion, I think it's better we don't make promises we are not sure of keeping than make one and break it. Whenever you fail to do what you say or don't mean what you say, you break trust, erode, and destroy the love you have built and shared.
It is important to note that once you break a promise and turn to make excuses for your infidelity, selfishness, lies, and all your shortcomings, you will readily provide an explanation for your lack of integrity. You can even go as far as finding support and justification for what you have done wrong.
A lack of integrity slowly eats away every good thing necessary to build a happy, healthy, long-lasting relationship. The one way to achieve the relationship you desire is by adopting INTEGRITY. When you make a promise or utter a word in your relationship, do it. This will also help you always give thought to whatever you say.
The relationship and friendship that travails are the ones in which parties do what they commit to, own up to their inability to do what they said instead of finding excuses for their shortcomings. They don't come up with reasons or blame each other. They understand that they are why they have or lack integrity. The difference between relationships is not dependent on the number of books you have read or seminars you have attended or even the number of people you have related with, it is INTEGRITY.
HOW CAN I BECOME A MAN/WOMAN OF INTEGRITY?
Be rooted in your moral foundation:
Start by defining your values, what do you want to be known for, how do you want to be seen. Have respect for yourself and other people. Always strive to be honest and truthful and live in line with your values.
Don't compartmentalize your life:
Be yourself and keep working on yourself every day so that you can be the best version of yourself at each point. Nobody is perfect so you don't have to be someone else in order to be a man of integrity. Just be one in your own way and stay the same.
Be Selfless:
Always consider other people's feelings, love, and work/walk selflessly. Be empathetic, kind, and tender-hearted. Tender-heartedness is not a sign of weakness as some people think. Rather it's a sign of strength.
Be positively minded:
At all times, think positively about every situation. Remove all negative vibes, back-biting, gossiping about other people. Speak only positive words at all times. Guard your heart such that only positivity flows in it because out of your heart flows the issues of life.
Surround yourself with strong support:
The company of any man has a way of affecting him either positively or negatively. So endeavor to choose the right company. People of integrity who would support your effort at being a man/woman of integrity. Be around people you aspire to become, read about them, watch how they live.
Be open with your partner:
Avoid keeping secrets. It impacts who you are and also takes a toll on your relationship. Share your struggles, pains, challenges, and all your fights with your partner/friend. This builds trust between you two. Sincerely love, respect, be loyal and inspire each other.
Times come in people's lives where they look back and reflect on their decisions. Most of the time, this happens as we get older and we realize it's really not about how educated or rich you are or what you did but life is about the impacts you have made, the relationships you have built, how you have treated people and most of all the integrity you have and have upheld.
In relationships, you have to be able to give and receive feedback without getting hurt. Love your partner/friend for who they are and who they're not. Most importantly, talk about your desires fully with him/her. There might be several days or even weeks of disagreements and crying. But after the Strom settles, you'll end up having created a cohesive loving bond with your partner/friend.
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