When loyalty is broken

Have you ever felt betrayed by someone?

Personally I have a couple of times and the funny part of it is that it often happens with the people we trust. I was hurt, angry and disappointed because I could not understand how someone I care about would do such to me. 

Discussions on friendships are always very interesting because at one point or another everyone has or had a friend. For the best of us, we can invest all our body and soul into a friendship and still be disappointed. Friendship is a commitment and it involves loyalty. However, the fact is that successful friendships are no longer guaranteed and that is why we need to learn how to let go, forgive and move forward from disloyalty.

Loyalty is the quality of being faithful to commitments. However, I heard this saying, "loyalty has an expiration date" and then I saw it. So how do you know disloyal people;

-you question their friendship, that is their commitment to you.

-you cannot count on them.

-you find it difficult to trust them.

If this is the case, it means we really cannot keep everybody and everybody cannot be our fan. We all make and have friends and we want to keep them but how do you react when you find out that what you valued in a person doesn't matter anymore especially because of your doubts on their loyalty. I've considered and thought about the best way to handle betrayal; do I confront the person, do I pretend like nothing happened, what exactly do I do? Sincerely speaking I just sweep it under the carpet, make some decisions about the friendship and move on. However, according to John Maxwell, "putting off dealing with a potential pressure situation brings about stress" and stress is something I don''t want to accommodate. This plan worked sometimes but I don't think its really the best thing to do.

I've come to understand that everyone reacts differently to betrayal. How you choose to move on from disloyalty is up to you as much as it also depends on you to decide to what extent a relationship influences you. Its a tough situation but I know that there must be a positive way to deal with it. You can try the following ways i have tried, works better and gives you inner peace even when everything is not fully restored to the way it was;

1) Confront your betrayer:

People have varying perspective on a matter so though you feel betrayed, its right to give the other person a chance to explain. The betrayal can just be a misunderstanding that got out of control. Its therefore not worth it to bottle up your frustration. Its better to let out all the negative feelings so it does not spill and affect other relationships in your life.

2) Do not change you:

Most times when people change their attitude towards others, its usually as a result of a previous experience which they have had and do not want to go back to. To move on from betrayal, keep being you. Take actions in line with your values, don't be like other people. Continue to give the energy you want to receive, bearing in mind that "'what goes around, comes around''.

3) Divert your energy into something that brings you closer to where you want to be:

Don't dwell much on the betrayal but redirect your energy into something positive and strive to create the life you desire. You don't want to put your energy into settling scores and being unhappy. I choose to direct your thoughts and mind to what makes my life fulfilled and not waste my time being unhappy and sad.

4) Embrace the betrayal:

Analyze the situation and learn a lesson from it. Let the negative emotion go but learn a lesson from it before you let it go. They say "experience is the best teacher". You can also write out these frustrations and destroy the paper afterwards. More so and even very important, you can talk to God about it. When the bible says "cast all you cares upon the Lord because he cares for you" (1 Pet. 5:7), it was not just limited to other problems excluding emotional problems. Its all encompassing, whatever it is. Sometimes, you may not even know how to express yourself, still express yourself exactly the way you feel. He hears you and you'll surely feel better afterwards. This really makes you feel better from my experience.

5) Move on:

Betrayal erodes our trust in people but this does not take place in a day, its a process. After you've been betrayed, you'll find it hard to trust but with time, you'll find courage to trust again. At this point, find people who can help you rebuild and always be around people you can trust.

Before you know it, you'll have your confidence back and also begin to see the good in others again. 

In summary, you can't control other people but you can control yourself. So start making decisions you need to thrive. Embrace tomorrow and happiness and KEEP GOING...

Other ideas that has helped you is welcomed in the comment session